Perfect
by kmou
Summary: "-sighs- She's perfect." H/D Slash! Complete. Crackfic.


**Title:** Perfect (1/1)

**Author:** Kylie / gryffindorkylie

**Pairings:** Harry/Draco SLASH

**Rating:** R

**Summary: **(Sequel to "Have You Heard" but can be read as **stand-alone**) _"-sighs- She's perfect."_

**Type:** Short-Short Ficlet, 699 words

**Category(s):** M/M, Romance, Humor, Fluff, MPreg, OOC.

**Warnings:** This chapter contains content that may be offensive such as m/m sex. Also may contain spoilers (for all the Harry Potter books).

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any other character, location, or whatever mentioned in the works of J.K. Rowling.

**Author's Note: **Hmm, this story is a bit better. :) The prequel to this story is, Have You Heard, and that is already out. **BUT!!!!** You can read this as stand-alone!

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**Perfect (1/1):**

"I HATE YOU!" -breathes heavily-

"Awww, I love you too honey."

-glares- "This is all your fault!"

"Hey, it takes two!"

"If you hadn't come onto me during our Seventh Year, an-"

"Me come onto you?! You came onto me first!"

"Whatever. If you hadn't come onto me, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"You're the one that jumped me in the Gryffindor showers and mauled me!"

"Moi? Maul you? Malfoy's don't maul, we pounce."

"Pounce, maul, it's all the same!"

-pants- "I hate you."

"I heard you the first time."

"Well, you'll hear it for the second ti-"

"Third, honey."

"_THIRD _time, I hate you!"

-smooches- "God, I love you."

-growl-

"Anyways, _you_ kept coming back for more."

"That's because you had the biggest _broomstick_ I've ever seen!"

"Well, I am gifted. Plus, where can you find _golden snitches_ like mine?"

"Arrogant prick."

"Me, an arrogant prick? Look who's talking!"

-barks-

"... Did you just bark?"

"NO."

"You did!"

A door creaks open.

"Hello Mr. Malfoy."

"It's Mr. Malfoy-Potter."

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter. Mr. Malfoy-Potter, are you ready?"

"No."

A nurse bursts in and points her wand at Draco, and mumbles a few Latin words.

"What the hell is she doin-AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I see that you're ready now."

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID SHE DO TO ME? AHHHHHHH!"

"Calm down Mr. Malfoy-Potter."

"BLOODY HELL! CALM DOWN?! I OUGHT TO HEX YOU INTO NEXT YEAR!"

"It's just that we're backed up today, and she just hurried the process a bit."

"Excuse me? Will that harm our baby?"

"No, Mr. Potter. It's completely safe."

"FUCKING GET THIS SHIT OUT OF ME!"

"Our baby is not shit!"

"I DON'T CARE, IT HURTS LIKE MOTHER FUCKER!"

-sighs- "I guess you should take it out of him now."

"YOU BLOODY ARSE! YOU'RE NEVER TOUCHING ME AGAIN! YOU CAN JUST WANK FROM NOW ON!"

"Me touch you?! You're the one who jumped me at my office, on my secretary's desk when she was out for lunch, on our kitchen table, in Ron's garden, in the LOCAL swimming pool, in the public library, on Ron's bed, on th-"

-laughs and pants- "Hehe, Weasel's bed grunts is nice! _Owowowowowowowow..._ Remember, h-how he couldn't _FUCK!_ sleep on it anymore?"

"Yeah, great times. Back to what I was saying, in the playhouse of the public muggle CHILDREN'S PARK!, in th-"

"OK, OK, I _SHIT!_ g-get it! It's my fault!"

"Yes, it is."

"U-um -shifts nervously and fiddles with the latex gloves-, Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy-Potter, it's time."

"I feel like my _FUCKING HELL!_ sides are ripping!"

"Ok, Mr. Malfoy-Potter, please push."

-pushes- "AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Breathe in and out, honey."

-pants- "FUCK YOUR BREATHING IN AND OUT YOGA SHIT! IT'S NOT WORK-AHHHHHHHH!"

"Almost there, few more pushes."

"AHHHHHH-..."

"_Silencio_."

-pushes- !!!!!! -mouths to Harry 'DID YOU JUST PUT A FUCKING SILENCING SPELL ON ME?!'-

"You're too loud. I think my eardrums are broken." -pats ears-

-pushes- !!!!!!! -smacks Harry on the head-

"Owww that hurt!"

"Just a one more push!"

-pushes hard-

"WAHHHHHHH!"

"Congratulations Mr. And Mrs.- err... Mr. Potter, it's a girl."

"Look Drackie, it's our beautiful girl."

"..."

-blinks-

"... -glares-"

"Oh, OH, right! _Finite Incantatem_."

"IF YOU EVER PUT THE SILENCING CHARM ON ME EVER AGAIN POTTER, YOU WILL NO LONGER BE A MAN BY THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!!"

"Awww, Drakie, you don't mean that. You need my _broomstick_ and my magical _golden snitches_. Now, hush, you're scaring our baby."

"Give it to me!"

"It?"

"GIVE IT!"

"Ok, ok..." -hands her over-

"Awww, aren't you just the prettiest little thing? Coochie coochie cooo!"

-eyes twitches- "Drake, You're scaring me"

"Who's your mommy? Who's your mommy?"

-baby giggles-

"That's right, that's right. I'm your mommy!"

-eyes continues to twitch- "I'm never having sex with you again."

"Look, Harry, she knows who I am! You are so beautiful, yes, you are! Yes, you are! Woogie woogie woooo!"

-eyes spasms violently- "I'm going celibate."

"Quiet Potter. Look at our baby girl. Isn't she the most precious thing in the world?"

"She has your unworldly-bleached-hair."

"She has your freak-of-nature eyes."

"She's scrawny like you."

"She's got Gryffindork smell all over her."

"She's got Slytherin's evilness."

-sighs- "She's perfect."

"She is, isn't she?"

**The End.**

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